Tribe to Thrive
Tribe to Thrive
The Power of Community
Have you ever felt like retreating from the world? Like everything and everyone is all just too much – too demanding, busy, needy, overbearing; too hard, to fast, too loud…
When life gets too much for me, I like to retreat. Into my ‘cave’ I go, relishing in alone-time, time with my thoughts, my feelings and my physiology. I indulge in all my self-care rituals of meditation, moon baths, music & dancing, cooking & baking, creating art or gardening; basically following my own rhythm.
This cave is a place deep within me – it spills into my immediate environment sometimes but anyone who knows me, knows that it is possible to be right in the same room as I am and still feel worlds apart, when I am in my ‘cave’.
There are times when this seems so attractive to me, I just want to stay in the cave forever. Yet, time and again, life shows me that all the inspiration, understanding and insight that I gain inside my ‘cave’; only gains true depth of meaning in the context of my community, my tribe, my people.
Tribe Circles
Every community has circles – not everyone in your life can be in your inner circle.
Think of the ancient tribes. In most cultures, the ancient tribes would have a leader, their immediate inner circle of advisors, partner, siblings, & sometimes children (depending on the cultural norms). Next there would be the protection circle, a secondary tier made up of informants, some kind of security and wise knowledge-bearers. Thereafter would come the immediate village and outside of that would be other villages who fell under the same leadership. Beyond that, there would be other territories who chose to align with this one. Tribes would have clans within clans. Each with leaders, inner circles and ripple circles beyond that.
In order for the ‘Great Leader’ to thrive, the tribe was required. There is no such thing as a ‘great leader’ without a tribe, a community, a following and support system.
Today’s Tribe
Working with this analogy, you are the leader of your own life.
Your inner circle could include your partner, family, closest friends and mentor, coach or therapist. Your next circle could be made up of your closest peers, extended family, influencers in your field, management at work and so on. Beyond that, you might have your extended circle of friendly acquaintances, further removed influencers, authors, speakers, specialists.
Experiencing the power of community has been a long journey for me. I have grappled with my perceived dichotomy of my love of independence and solitude and my equal love of people and socialising. Trust issues would keep me from turning to my community (even those closest to me) and I would find myself out on a limb and completely lost as to who to turn to. Over time, Life showed me that every time I opened myself up to those close to me, the reward of camaraderie was truly satisfying and I was strengthened and enriched in the process.
Years ago, working with a therapist who quite literally changed my life, I learned about boundaries and personal circles. Part of the learning was an epiphany that I might intrinsically know how to do this ‘healthy relationship’ stuff, if only I could learn to trust myself.
Tribe to Thrive
Let’s go back to the analogy of the ancient tribes. What constituted surviving and beyond that, thriving?
The leader and their family were healthy, safe and had all the provisions they required to sustain themselves. With this in place, expansion and evolution became possible. The leader knew their inner circle and what their needs consisted of and vice versa – the leader was known intimately by those closest to them.
The same applied to the next immediate support circle and then the village and surrounding villages, with varying levels of intimate knowledge.
With the basic needs being met; time, energy and attention were available for the pursuit of expansion and evolving. When a clan within the tribe hit hard times, they would reach out to the other clans for support and it would be provided. When the leader was troubled, they turned to their closest confidants for support, who in turn had their own support too.
The same applies on a personal level. Your inner circle have what it takes to support you when you need it. They are able to receive your support when they need it too. This symbiosis allows for healing, for growth, for expression, for expansion, for happiness. Growth happens in this space of exchange.
Knowing who your inner circle are and allowing them to know you, is key to more than surviving but to thriving. Knowing who you can rely on for what and understanding the value exchange between you and your different tribe circles, enables you to fill your own potential.
Interdependence is not co-dependency
It took me a while to learn this but as I tested the waters of trusting myself and trusting my tribe, I began to realise that interdependence could be more powerful than total independence.
At first the process was a cognitive one. I sifted and sorted the people in my life into my circles, deciding who was where based on experience. Then over time, I learned to listen to my intuition and rearrange these circles for myself in a less cognitive manner, trusting myself and my intuition. Figuring out the different strengths of those who cared for me and those who I cared for. Learning what value I added and what balanced exchanges were possible.
One of my greatest learnings has been that these exchanges of energy and support are not always equal at the same time. When I am in need in one area, someone in my tribe can support me; whilst I might be supporting someone else in another area. When we are all open to this tribal energy, flow is created and there is great power in the flow. There is usually not one member of a community hogging all the support or attention as one with trust issues might fear.
Another insight is that as I travel through life and encounter different groups and communities, the value of my experience within these communities is a direct reflection of the extent to which I show up and make myself know, available and accountable in these communities.
The Community Mirror
I am now part of many circles, each with different themes.
Some of these include my birth family, my extended family through marriages, my friends in South Africa, my new friends in the UK, my online friends all over the world, my writing community, coaching community, speakers community and the list goes on.
The same tribal ‘rule’ applies every time – the more I show up, make myself known and participate, the more value there is to be shared – both with me and by me. Which means, that when life gets too much for me now, my retreats into my ‘cave’ are even sweeter. Why? Because I know, that when I emerge, my people, my tribe, my community will be there waiting for me. Available and eager to know more about me, to share more with me and receive more from me.
I am known and seen and when I look around me at the individuals who make up my tribe, I see beauty beyond description.
When I commented on the exceptional quality of humans that surround me, a friend of mine recently responded: “It's because you attract those types of people because of the person you are.”
A higher compliment I could not wish for because my tribe truly are magnificent in every way.
Living Wisdom
Reading about the great truths of the universe and pondering them in silence is one way to do it but these days I most definitely prefer discovering wisdom by living life, showing up and connecting with my community.
It turns out that being vulnerable and being known is really not dangerous at all. Accepting, loving and trusting myself, truly does result is receiving the same back from my tribe.
