The Pillars of Self-Love
What is Self-Love…really?
Self-Love has been the theme of my life since I can remember. The energy of it kicked in at the tender age of about 8 years old but it was many years later that I discovered the term ‘self-love’ and adopted it immediately!
Over the years, I have played with self-love in many forms. I have lived self-love, then abandoned myself and yet, always returned to self-love – each time with a renewed commitment, rooted in my learnings that practicing self-love really changes the quality of my life for the better.
Based on my experiences, my commitment to Self-Love turned into a firm life belief - that Self-Love is the only viable foundation to a good, happy & fulfilling life experience.
My definition of Self-Love is daily actions that support self-knowledge, self-acceptance, and self-advancement (or improvement or leadership); rooted in a deep commitment to the true essence of Self as an eternal energy being worthy of acceptance, love, expression and expansion.
Now that I have trialled, tested and refined the many ways in which to practice Self-Love daily, I can shar it with the world.
The Pillars
Self-Love has three main pillars:
Self-Knowledge (insight, understanding, knowing)
Self-Acceptance (unbiased, non-judgemental space to be)
Self-Advancement (growth, improvement, actively participating)
In order to fully accept anyone, it is essential that the person in question be known.
In order to love & nurture anyone, it is essential that the person be accepted fully.
In order to bring dreams and visions into reality, growth, improvement and advancement are necessary.
Pillar 1: Self-Knowledge
You deserve as much (if not more) time, energy and effort to be known by yourself as anyone else. Think about when you meet a new person whom you really like – how do you respond?
There are some easy ways to acquire quality self-knowledge. Ways to work around the pre-existing condition and to get to the root beliefs that are creating your life experience.
Start with the most tangible parts of who you are – your physical body, your mind and your emotions. From there, your highest Inner Self will become more accessible. The part of you that knows your reasons for being in this life.
Think about how you are in a new relationship and mimic your own behaviour with yourself.
1. Get curious
a. Ask yourself questions
b. Assess each day at the end of it
c. Journal
d. Be honest with yourself
2. Remove bias
a. No judgement
b. Own every thought, feeling & action
3. Make time
a. As you would for anybody else – carve out time for your own self discovery
4. Connect & observe
a. Create the connection with your Inner Self
b. Start observing everything – every thought, every feeling, every action
c. Watch for triggers
The key question is – what do you want in life? What do you really want? Allow your self-knowledge quest to create a clear answer to this question. It will evolve too, so stay connected and notice when the shifts happen. You’re worth it.
Self-Acceptance
This follows well from Step 2 of Self-Knowledge – no judgement! Getting to know yourself and being completely honest about every thought, feeling and action can bring on some judgemental thoughts. Once you establish that this is NOT allowed, Self-Acceptance can follow.
Here are 7 strategies to grow self-acceptance:
1.) Kindness
(to yourself)
2.) Strengths
(acknowledge yours)
3.) Uniqueness
(celebrate yours)
4.) Let go
(of everything outside of your control)
5.) Goals & Intentions
(own yours)
6.) Get involved
(in something of value outside of yourself)
Remember - acceptance does not mean resignation. You can only grow, evolve & expand from a place of acceptance of what is.
How do you change something that remains an enigma?
Self-Advancement
Self-Advancement is about going to YOUR next level, it is about expanding on your terms and evolving to the next stage of your life journey. This is not about comparison, or aiming to reach other people’s success levels, it is about your individual, personalised success.
So, how do you know what that looks like? Start with the Self-Knowledge you have acquired, combined with the Self-Acceptance that you have cultivated – what are your skills, strengths, unique traits? What are your goals and where do you enjoy having impact?
As you take all of these aspects into account, here are 5 steps to Self-Advancement:
1. Visualise:
What does your dream life (& you in it) look like?
2. Get quiet:
Create time to connect with your Inner Self through meditation or prayer.
3. Practice Gratitude:
Acknowledging and appreciating what you already have creates magnetic energy for more.
4. Take Inspired Action:
Out of the quiet connection time, your next steps will appear clear.
5. Sustenance:
What are you ‘feeding’ yourself? Make sure your peers, your entertainment, your food and everything that you consume is a match to your vision for yourself. Never stop seeking to know yourself better and accept yourself as you are. You are a dynamic Being and some days will be easier than others – with practice these days will become the majority.
Love yourself - YOUR way
There is so much coming at us from every angle, every day. Getting to know yourself on a deep and intimate level builds authentic connection with the life that you are living and it also allows you to take action to make any changes that you want to make.
The term ‘live your best life’ is everywhere and places such a high demand on us. Where do we even start?
Within! All the answers you seek are within you, your best self is within you, the path to your best life is within you. Take the time and get to know yourself, accept yourself and love yourself. Then, take action that is meaningful – to YOU.
Diana Grant - The Self-Love Coach
