Who am I?

This is a worthy question.

I watched a movie last weekend called Marriage Story. WOW – what a raw and honest story. This wasn’t typical Hollywood as it wasn’t manipulative in any way. It felt to me like I was a fly on the wall in the characters’ lives, just observing. All the emotions that I felt were my own and related to my own journey and my own triggers. It was a refreshing experience. In the movie, a married couple decide to separate and enlist the assistance of a family mediator. He encourages the couple to each write about what they love about the other. The movie opens with each of them narrating what they wrote about the other, as a form of character introduction.

As I am in a season of planting in my business, how I am represented to the world is a theme within my current radar. I have written bios for book stores and websites and articles and each time, I again get to think about who I am and what I represent. The Marriage Story movie challenged me to write a piece about myself without any polite humility. If I was writing about my beloved husband, my daughter or one of my dear friends, I would not be humble at all. I would not hold back.

Below is what came out for me – I quite like it and I think I shall read it regularly and maybe add to it as I go and as I strengthen these self-love muscles that I work on every day.

Why not give this a try? When I first did it just after watching the move, I wrote it in the third person – as if I was writing about someone else. This really helped it to flow right out of me. When I changed it into the first person, I wanted to change some things – can you believe it?! I wanted to ‘edit’ my own self perception. That societal expectation of humility stepped in and I caught myself wanting to make changes. So of course, I didn’t make the changes – I left all the unadulterated trumpet-blowing as it is. It has been a very therapeutic exercise and I encourage you to give it a go. Introduce yourself as if you were introducing a dear friend. See what happens.

Here is me, introducing…me.

Hi, I’m Diana

I love human beings and mostly – they love me back.

I cry a lot – happy tears and sad tears and tears for people and animals. I feel very deeply which means I also laugh a lot. My laughter is sometimes a bit misplaced and dark and at other times it is at the silliest of things. My laughter sometimes turns to uncontrollable giggles which are quite contagious – this usually happens as a result of one of my own wisecracks. I think I am very funny.

I also tend to think I am very clever and sometimes this means I can seem arrogant. I am not though. Underneath it all I am humble enough to admit when I get it wrong and I don’t let getting it wrong threaten my sense of self-worth.

I am strong. Immensely strong. I rise up and face whatever challenge crosses my path. I do so with the valour of a dragon, as if there is no single thing in life that could possibly daunt me or beat me. I also do this in any situation where I perceive a lack of justice. On the inside I often feel as afraid as a field mouse but I don’t show it. I have the stance of a fearless warrior and I hold eye contact with whatever it is that threatens my life, my happiness, those I love. Then, when the battle is done, I remove myself to my private space and I allow myself to fall apart. This is when my vulnerability shows. This is when the magnitude of my courage becomes clear – when the contract between my fear and courage becomes clear as they sit side by side.

I love luxury and luxurious surroundings. I have similar tastes to Marie Antoinette (according to the history books) in that I love champagne, cake, macarons, fine pate’s and patisserie, I love being surrounded by the people that I love, flowers and gardens, I love games, I love velvet and silk and pure cotton and all things gold. I stop breathing for impactful art – especially art that speaks of the wonder of life or the beauty of the human spirit.

I love travel and adventure. New places and new faces and the stories, history and energy that they hold, are magnetic to me. I fall in love with the sights, the sounds and the people of places new to me with the excitement of a child.

Children love me because I have a way of connecting with them right where they’re at – no matter what age. From little ones to teens, they seem to trust me with who they are and I trust them in the same way. This same part of me seems to ignite the inner child in the adults around me as I easily facilitate silly fun & games.

Animals love me and I love animals. They hold a wisdom that we humans will hopefully eventually evolve to. They know about true unconditional love and living in the moment.

I do yoga every day…well almost every day, most days - 9 out of 10 days…and I love it. I say yoga saves me every day. I think this is because it helps me to get out of my head. I think a lot about everything. Sometimes my thoughts cause me pain and suffering and I need someone I trust to pull me out of my own darkness. Yoga helps me pull myself out of that darkness.

I love to walk. I walk fast and I meditate when I walk. It starts as thinking but becomes meditation as I get drawn into the deepest parts of me simply by focusing on my pace and my breathing. In addition to yoga, walking saves my life. In addition to these life-saver, there is music and dance. I cannot imagine life without them. I love music and I sing along as well as dance along and I am not really concerned whether anyone else thinks that I ‘can’ or ‘should’ do either…I also tend to play a piano when I come across one – despite not knowing how to.

I love cleanliness and tidiness but I try not to be obsessive compulsive about it…although some days, I allow myself timed sessions of obsessive behaviour as a form of self-soothing. My life is filled with these types of small and maybe strange life-hacks that really work for me.

In the same vein, I love being well groomed and well dressed. Regardless of what is going on in my life and what the day may hold, I get up each day and prepare myself (unless I don’t get up at all). Personal hygiene and grooming are as tantamount to waking up as opening my eyes. The day doesn’t happen without them – even if this means a quick wash, makeshift hairstyle and a tinted lip balm – I do the best with what I have in the moment.

I appreciate my looks and my body. This has been a journey for me but I have discovered such beauty within my skin that my skin is now beautiful to me…I am sensual and love to enjoy my body too. In as much as it is there for me for physical challenges, it is also there for me for great pleasure experiences…every sense that I have works and I enjoy them all.

I believe that everything is one thing and I believe in authentic diligence. This means that I do what needs to be done, not out of a sense of duty but because I have torn apart every single thing that ‘needs’ to be done to make sure that I agree with it. I have tossed out what I believe to be rubbish tradition or social pressure and I have fully embraced what I believe to be a true value add. I continue to do this with everything in life, including relationships. This can make me seem harsh at times but I believe so strongly in value exchange and ripple effect and connectivity, that I will never simply tolerate anything or anyone just because it seems like it should be so. This is what makes me so authentic. I am always 100% true to myself in the moment and when I change my mind – I am not scared to tell you.

I love so deeply and I love forever. Once I have said that I love you, you can rest assured that I will love you for eternity – even if I choose not to have you as an active player in my life – I will still love you. If you are loved by me – you know it. There is no question or grey areas. Once I have looked you in the eyes with love beaming out from me, you will be sure of my love forever.

If you ask for an opinion, you get a very honest one from me – sometimes you’ll get one without asking. I will usually warn you that it is coming but this does not always soften the blow.  I generally don’t offer advice, but rather my perspective and this seems to help the people around me to come to their own conclusions.

I don’t subscribe to the traditional concept of ‘work’. I believe in living and that life runs through every aspect of being. So whether I am performing a task for payment from someone else, or performing an action of expressing love for someone, or making my bed or reading a book – I believe everything is life and life is for enjoying.

The raw, honest love and appreciation for each being that encounters me is what makes me so enigmatic. When I look at you, you feel seen and accepted. Some people call me a goddess of love. I like this and I am working to embrace this as my true identity every day.

I can get too serious sometimes. Maudlin and dark about the tragedy that forms part of life. But then I remember what I know in my core to be true, that life is for living and living should be fun! Somehow I have always managed to see the sunshine, no matter how dark the sky. I am the eternal optimist. No matter how bleak a situation, I will find some reason for joy and celebration.

This is what I want to share. The unfiltered joy of living in divine love. Love of Self and flowing from there, love of Life, love of others and true personal power.