Gifts from Illness - Part 1

I recently experienced a severe case of Covid. Not severe enough to be hospitalised but sever enough to stop me dead in my tracks.

Though I wasn't able to see it immediately, this was the first gift that this awful illness brought to me - I stopped.

I stopped everything. Working, yoga, walking, socialising, social media, writing, gardening, long days & short nights, even meditation - I stopped it all.

At the time this felt like a punishment. I am gifted with a sharp and active mind, a strong and able body, emotional resilience and spiritual fitness, so it didn't seem to make sense to stop.

The virus dulled my mind, weakened my body and wreaked havoc with me emotions and there was no sense in it and no possibility to fight it - I went down. All I was able to do was sleep and when not asleep, I was resting lying down.

As my being was tossed about in the tides of fever, pain, delirium, breathlessness, coughing, physical weakness and emotional turmoil, my Spirit stayed strong and calm and kept guiding me back to a state of acceptance.

Acceptance that my body, mind and emotions are fallible and that being human means being vulnerable - to all sorts of external factors beyond my control.

Acceptance that I could rely on a combination of the knowledge that I have, input from friends and medical personnel and the guiding light of Self-Love, to care for myself and nurture myself through this struggle.

Acceptance that although I was brought to a standstill, the world didn’t stop turning, people went on - life did what it does - it went on.

As I allowed acceptance to wash over me and seep into me, so I allowed the rest that I was taking (forced upon me by the virus) to nourish me. As I accepted and stopped resisting, I was able to find some grain of enjoyment in the rest. Resting has never been my thing. I am active, busy, creative and high energy in my usual state of being and so rest for me is 7 hours of sleep at night. I have at times, wondered about what REAL, prolonged rest feels like. I have discovered first-hand that it feels GOOD.

Sitting here writing this, I am starting to feel ready for a nap. Something I have become very good at - napping. I know that will take the nap and enjoy it thoroughly and I have a strong feeling that I will not turn my back on this restful life.

In 2020, I was diagnosed with Covid in the month pre-testing. It was awful and debilitating with a few minor differences in symptoms from what I have experienced in 2022. There was a major difference in my experience though. This time I was in a state of acceptance more than resistance. This time I was open to receiving the gifts.

So you see, I have had this lesson before - the importance of rest. Life is like an education course - each semester the lessons get more intricate and complex - same subject with a deeper understanding.

This time I was able to accept the effects of the illness and experience the joy of resting often and well and how much balance it bring. I look forward to continuing to live a cat’s life - napping, eating and adventuring - each in a good balance with the other.

Thank you Covid - you taught me to rest.